Today is a bittersweet day for me. Bitter because you are not next to me, but sweet because I still have our memories together. I have to thank God always that I had you in my life. You taught me a lot and was a source of strength and comfort before you left. I can’t begrudge you leaving though, as you are finally resting. I will be ok as God is still by my side and promises to forever be by my side. You left without any worries and I am very thankful for that. You left continuing to believe with your faith eyes. Even though everything hasn’t been fulfilled as yet…I know they will because I am believing as well with my faith eyes. I will not worry as God’s got this! Love you always HLG.
As you may have realized I am still in the prison cell…but now I am not frustrated or scared…I am at peace. Like Joseph (in the animated movie), I am content with what is currently being asked of me. I trust God with my entire being…whatever He has allowed for me to experience, thus far, is according to His will and no other force. He is the author and finisher of my faith. I pray that He will always allow me to follow His will no matter the situation because of my trust in Him. And like Joseph, I will be justly rewarded…it will not all be in vain; it will surpass my expectations and dreams.
I TRUST GOD.
Not too long ago I watched the animated version of Joseph’s story…I really could relate to it in so many ways. There were a few aspects that stood out though; obedience and prison.
Obedience: Even though Joseph tried his best to be a good and obedient son, he still could not escape the bad things that happened to him.
Prison: Although it took him some time…Joseph learnt to still do his best while in prison. In the movie, there was a dying plant which Joseph tended to diligently until it became a tree.
All my life I have tried my very best to do what is right and be obedient to God. I foolishly thought that this would help me avoid bad things happening to me…like Jonah and the whale. However, these traits were laying a foundation for my imprisonment (a resting place for God to prepare me for His purpose for me). I have learnt to continue doing my best (no matter how simple the task) while in my resting place. I refuse to dwell in frustration, guilt, fear, and pity but see the beauty of what God is doing in my life. Like Joseph, when God chooses to get me out of prison/resting place, I will be placed in a position that is beyond my imagination and it will all be built on a sure foundation.
Recovering from a Job (Bible character) and friends moment…I know friends mean well when they give you advice BUT their advice can also jeopardize your faith. After getting some advice from a friend (no intention of harm), I went into panic mode…did I understand God correctly of what He wanted me to do?…Is it all my imagination? I had to center myself in His word, His track record, and His music. What I am doing may seem to go against all odds and it may not work out…BUT…that is not the point…THE POINT IS THAT I WILL CONTINUE TO BE OBEDIENT. I do not know why He wants me to pursue certain things but He knows and that is all I need to know.
HAPPY MOTHER’S/PARENT DAY!!!
THANK YOU GOD FOR BEING THE BEST PARENT TO US, YOUR CHILDREN!!!!
So….I am at that place where anxiety wants to take root. I seem to have this pattern…when thinks are not working out, I am absolutely confident that God is protecting me and providing for me. However, when things start to work out, I become a bundle of nerves. My absolute faith in God doesn’t change…it is me I am most concerned about…”Please don’t mess up.” I always worry that I will do something to displease God. I know…I am a mess.
But…during this time I become even closer to God. I talk to Him even more about what about me is making me anxious. I become so co-dependent on Him. The good thing is…He doesn’t mind (unlike humans, He can handle it and treasures this relationship). In a nutshell…my confidence is not found in myself but in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. God is my nerves destroyer.
HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!
A few days ago, I had a dream that has been weighing on my heart. In the dream, I did something I knew I wasn’t suppose to do. When I shared the dream with my close friend/older sister, she shared that, to her, the dream meant that no matter what I did God would protect me and never leave me. This did not give me much comfort though, as the dream was symbolizing something God had been working on me for a long time…giving all control to Him. In the dream, it seemed I was taking that control back (even if reluctantly).
This makes me nervous, even more so since I started getting the flashing green light. The bottom line…I do not want to mess things up with God again…although I know He will show mercy and give me His grace…I do not want to be disobedient. So I did what I knew best to do in these anxious situations…I prayed…then I got my comfort and peace.
Even though I really want to embark on the next chapter of this journey (green light)…I have to also be vigilant not to regain the position of being in the driver’s seat. The driver’s seat of my life belongs permanently to God, my Father/DADDY.
Yes, there is a flashing green light before the steady green light. The good news is that God is allowing me to now see His works in motion…I am no longer in the waiting room…my name was called and I am now heading to His office to receive my mission…Hallelujah!!!
The flashing green light is also an anxious moment for me as I do not want to get in God’s way…not wanting to be disobedient or hasty. So I have to continue to be vigilant (while praying without ceasing, with thanksgiving) as I remain hopeful and allow my faith to grow.
The flashing green light is like the flickering of light you see when walking towards the end of the tunnel. Thank You, DADDY, for being with me while I was in the tunnel, for helping me to be obedient, hopeful, and faithful. Thank You for being my sword and shield, my provider, and my bestfriend. I know You will remain the same to me (never changing, ever faithful) outside of the tunnel (steady green light).