Hello 2018!!!! First post for the new year.
Lately, I have been reflecting on the last 3 years…Am I here because I lost my way? Where did I go wrong? Was I being disobedient at any time? Am I being punished? How can I get back on the right track? Why am I being left behind? Am I forgotten? Why did you leave? Why didn’t I get that position? If things had gone how I wanted them to, then would things have worked out differently/better for me?
Thankfully, God gave me the answer to all these questions. For the last 3 years, I have not lost my way…I was finding my way. It was about not what I wanted for myself BUT what He wanted for me. This path I am walking on (although it may seem different from yours) is one that was chosen for me by my FATHER, who loves me dearly and wants the best for me. With the green light flashing…another stage in this journey is about to begin…where I will walk and not become weary and run and not faint…because I went through this process of finding my way well.
This is the last post of 2017…it has been a year to remember.
Prior to April 2017 when I started to share my journey with you, I was facing fear every single day, to the point I would pray to stay sleeping until my green light appeared. Of course, God woke me up to face each day with Him…and trust me on this…I could not have survived without Him. Later in the year, I began thinking “Why am I so afraid?” Why am I afraid of what the devil might do to me? Isn’t the devil AFRAID of God? So why am I afraid of the devil?
Answer, the one I should fear is God, since He is the one the devil fears. This answer gave me such peace and the strength to face each day bravely. The One who treasures me the most and placed me on this path is the MOST POWERFUL…so whom shall I fear?
For the past few days I have been grappling with feelings of jealousy. Now, jealousy is something I do not like to feel as it can become a gateway to other negative emotions. Nevertheless, I must accept the fact that I am feeling jealous…jealous of good things happening for others around me, while I am still in this place. The amazing thing that happened is that I shared these feelings with God and so many friends and family have sent me encouraging words and scriptures, even though I shared nothing with them. Isn’t my God amazingly AWESOME!!!
Now with these jealous feelings, did I get discouraged, lost my faith, became less hopeful…NO. As I shared with my sibling today, it is not clarity on what my destiny is I am waiting on from God…it is the when will the next stage occur…when will the tunnel end. I have to just continue to be still/patient until He fulfills His plans for me. I did remind Him that He has not forgotten me 🙂
Even though God may do things that makes me feel uncomfortable, He is also my source of comfort. In my younger years, I always wanted someone to accompany me to places. However, I was most times…or always…forced to go alone (“You came into the world alone…lol..:( ). Not surprisingly, I started getting use to being alone. Was I really alone though? NO, I wasn’t…I had always asked God to go with me. A recent reflection brought this to my attention. I have been to new places, experienced some new and painful things…through it all I was alone but never alone. The faith and trust I placed in God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit were my source of comfort. They made me feel very comfortable. For me, this sense of comfort is synonymous to peace. I am peaceful/comfortable in the midst of chaos or uncertainty.
Thank You, DADDY, for being my permanent source of comfort. Jeremiah 29:11 KJV
For I know the thoughts that I think towards you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
With this knowledge, how can I not be at peace or be comfortable. NOTHING IS A SURPRISE TO HIM, who loves me.
Yes, I am going to say it…God does things that makes me feel uncomfortable (don’t worry I have told Him this already…maybe that is why He is making me write about it). I may also have mentioned this already…if I did, just view it as a recap…I used to love (or take pride in…can’t sugar coat it) certain things about myself; that I was independent and that I was able to give to others. Therefore, I was very comfortable with myself until God decided otherwise. This time he didn’t take me out of a situation but took me out of myself (it really felt like an out-of-body experience or being a stranger to myself). I did A LOT of crying and asking why until I understood it was something He needed to do to prepare me for the next stage of my journey. When I gave up control of me and allowed Him to mold me as he pleased, I began getting to know the new me (it took some time to adjust…still adjusting but making progress, praise God!). SO…I am no longer independent BUT solely dependent on God and I am no longer giving more than receiving but receiving quite a lot (for which I am so thankful). God showed me it is not bad to be dependent on someone else and be a receiver as long as it was according to His will for me.
Personally, I do not think that God likes comfort zones very much…correct me if I am wrong, please. Prior to 2012, I was, I must say, quite comfortable with my life, which I thought was a good thing. This “good thing” may actually be a red flag for God. Or it could be the alarm ringing telling Him that it is time to start the preparation phase (resting/waiting period) for the next task/phase of His plans for me. Thus, the waiting period began with the demolition of my comfort zone, I began to feel uncomfortable with a lot of things, including my own personality. I started to feel like I did not know myself anymore. I am very thankful that God gradually gave me the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding I needed to adjust out of my comfort zone. He is taking away a lot of barriers and boundaries while extending my territory (read Jabez’s prayer in 1 Chronicles 4:10), which is building my trust and faith in Him.
So, while comfort zones may seem like a good thing in the physical realm, they are not so in the spiritual realm. If I want to live my life according to the spiritual realm then I need to be wary of comfort zones.
This is incredibly personal…today I was sharing with my family the amazing things God has done for me while I am in the waiting period and came to a realization that I am a living testimony of Psalm 23 and 123 (please read in free time). I became emotional of course :). During my waiting period, a lot of things were taken away but he gave me peace and comfort. I also learned to depend on him solely and fully. Just think about God reducing your monthly budget by 94%…could you even imagine that happening in these times! And I can tell you that I am not in lack as He provides for every need. In this waiting period (Hillsong’s Oceans [Where Feet May Fail] playing in the background), I may have nothing BUT I have EVERYTHING!!!!!!!
Do you know why? BECAUSE I AM EVERYTHING TO GOD AS HE IS EVERYTHING TO ME.